I’m nearly four years into my business, and have yet to have a six-figure year. Needless to say, I’ve been rumbling with scarcity something fierce. There is a pattern of financial scarcity in my DNA, and the time has come for me to end it. Money wounds… be gone!
I recently witnessed a beautiful conversation about being your own source of wealth. It made me realize that I have DEEP financial wounding in my maternal ancestral line.
The women before me were married into lives they didn’t want for the financial gains of their families. Those who did marry for love had to quickly become the perfect housewives to prove to the world that they were right. Generations of powerful magic was snuffed out by the patriarchy.
My mother, determined to heal our money wound in her own way, taught me that I MUST be financially independent above all else. EVEN if that means spending 30 years at a job that sucks the life out of me.
I can see the wisdom behind my mother’s teachings. She is a survivor who raised a fiercely independent daughter to be the same. The problem is not what she taught me but HOW. Her teachings were rooted in scarcity and fear.
What we give attention to is what comes forward. So, it’s not surprising that I picked up the following beliefs from that scarcity.
If I’m not financially independent, I’m:
- Going to be left alone and unable to survive
- Headed for certain financial ruin
- Unworthy of love
- An embarrassment
- A failure
These beliefs have been simmering in my nervous system all my life. They’re my body’s underlying operating system. It’s time to update that software.
I was born into this spot in my family tree to heal this money wound. My paternal great-grandmother was a wealthy business owner in the Hamtons in the late 1800s. That was unheard of.
Her wisdom lives within me. She’s called me to harness her magic to heal this wound. What will I do?
Reprogramming The Self Worth Wound
Current Programming Self-Trust – I’m not capable of being my own source of money because I’ve been taught my value is determined by others. Wealth doesn’t come from making lots of money. It comes from getting a dependable job and saving every penny.
Current Programming Self-Love – Loving yourself sets you up to have your heart broken. If I loved myself, I’d become fully open to receiving the love of others. If they don’t love me in return, I’ll be irreparably damaged. This will be all my fault for putting myself in this situation. It’s much safer to protect my heart by hating myself and expecting everyone else to hate me, too.
This programming makes maintaining a mediocre income all too easy. If fail to create my own wealth I was right all along. I saw it coming. Of COURSE, it didn’t work.
See? I told you! Failing to make enough money to give my family the life I want them to have further proves that I’m not worthy of love. When they up and leave me I’ll just shrug and say “not surprised. I deserved that.”
These patterns are obviously not helpful. I know in my heart that I would rather go all in, growing Unbridled and fail… than continue to block myself from stepping into my full potential.
What I’m Doing About It
Now that I’ve recognized the patterns, I’m working to reprogram my nervous system.
This looks like:
- Sharing my journey from a space of self-love. Daring to dig deeply, discover my truth, share it on the internet, and ask for love and acceptance in return!
- Managing my nervous system instead of letting it manage me. I drop into my body and feel what’s going on in there. Then I ask myself the following questions:
- What’s happening in my body?
- Where is it happening?
- Do any parts of me need love, healing, or to feel held?
- Do I feel activated by anything today?
- Is old programming driving my actions or decisions?
When I find my old programming in the driver’s seat, I stop and go inwards. I hold space for my inner child to process. Then I sit in stillness, allowing my nervous system to unwind and rewrite new pathways.
Whether we like it or not, we all need money to meet our basic needs. Money wounds are triggering as fuck to most of us because they bring up feelings of being unsafe or having unmet needs..
When our nervous systems are activated by our money wounds, they react the same to missing a financial goal (like having an $8k month instead of a $10k one) as they do to missing a housing payment. Our logical minds can see the difference there, but our bodies cannot.
Here’s How This Plays Out:
“I only made $4,000 this month. This is unacceptable. This is not okay. You cannot stay in business at this current level of income. When are you going to get your ass in gear? What if Quinn lost his job? This family cannot survive on $4,000 a month. Why do you think it’s okay to put this kind of pressure on him?“
All the alarm bells are ringing that I’m putting my family in grave financial danger.
In reality? We’re nowhere close to missing a house payment. Our income is well above average and we have a healthy safety net in place.
I have big dreams that require wealth, and my wealth is not growing as fast as I want it to. My body sees that as a threat to my safety when in reality it is not.
What I’m Doing About It
I handle my fake lack of safety much differently than I handle my programming. It’s not deep wounding that needs to be healed. It’s a simple need to rewrite a truth so I approach it logically.
This looks like pulling up my bank account on my phone. Look at that you silly! See all that money in there? How many months of your mortgage could you pay with that? Now how are you possibly unsafe in any way?
I’m also a substitute teacher. This puts me in control of my income (and thus my safety). If I don’t make as much as I want to here at Unbridled, I sub to make up the difference.
Learning to Receive
Can you take a compliment without feeling uncomfortable or giving one back? When you receive a nice gift, do you worry that you need to give one of similar value in return? And the biggie for entrepreneurs… can you confidently share your pricing with someone without wishing the earth would open up beneath you and swallow you whole?
These are all indicators that you might have some blocks around receiving. Receiving is directly related to money wounds because if you struggle to receive, you’ll struggle to attract clients and charge your worth.
Here’s How This Plays Out:
The narrative that if someone gives you something they certainly want something in return was HEAVY in my childhood. My mom couldn’t fathom gifts or acts of service coming from a place of love.
I can’t tell you how many times I tried to stammer out an answer to “Why did so and so give you that?” Or felt a twinge of sadness as she muttered, “I have no idea why so and so thought you deserved that” as I opened a gift.
My higher self can observe the relationship between my mom and her mother and see exactly where this came from and understand it has nothing to do with me. My inner child on the other hand… needs and hug.
This plays out in Unbridled Content Marketing thorough under charging for my services, feeling uncomfortable putting my offers out there, and struggling to share my pricing with confidence.
What I’m Doing About It
Every time I have an opportunity to receive, I try to lean in. Thanking the person who I’m receiving from but also allowing myself to go inwards for a moment and really feel the gift throughout my body.
This person gave me this thing because they like me. How cool is that! Sometimes I don’t get the opportunity to hold that thought and feel it in my body in the moment, so I’ll make time later once i’m alone to sit with the gift and feel the energy of reciving.
In my spiritual business I have some practical tricks that help make recieving easier. I put all my pricing on my website. No surprises. You can go to the work with me page and see what it would take for me to be your business coach or marketing team right now. This helps me feel confident going into the conversation knowing potential clients and I are on the same page.
I also keep my pricing right in front of me during sales calls. When i’m asked about pricing I can read the number with confidence instead of stammering as I try to remember.
I’ve also created an offer suite that cators to multiple budgets. Knowing I can help spiritual entreprenures regardless of their financial situation gives me the confidence to promote myself to anyone.
Will These Money Wounds Ever Heal?
The goal is to keep doing the mindset and energy work to heal my money wounds. But, this work takes the time it takes. If you try to force your healing to move faster than your nevous sytesm can handle you’ll end up doing more harm than good.
So, I leave the door open. I look for opportunities to do the work, and I allow healing to happen at it’s own pace. At the same time, I keep moving forward. Becoming a better coach, honing my marketing and sales skills, creating more content for you guys, and showing the fuck up EVEN when it’s uncomfortable.
That’s how we rumble with money wounds. We don’t buy ourselves fancy cars that we can’t afford in the pursuit “abundance vibes.” Nor do we sit in meditation for months on end, healing ourselves to without taking any actions that will actually put money in our pockets.
We observe, hold space, allow, re-write, and we take big scary actions.
If my words resonate with you and you’re trying to get your spiritual business off the ground, I’d love to offer you a free 30 minute coaching session. You’ll walk away knowing the exact steps you need to take to reach your next goal.